To Love Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 1) Read online

  Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  A note from the author

  Preview: To Trust Again (a sweet romance)

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  Other Titles

  Legal Notice

  Forty and Free

  (Book 1)

  To Love Again

  A Sweet Romance

  By

  Lillianna Blake

  & Maci Grant

  Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake

  Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers

  All rights reserved.

  LilliannaBlake.com

  Chapter 1

  Every wrinkle met its match with the firm pressure and glide of her palm. Even though there were very few wrinkles in the shirt, Nicole was determined to make sure that there were none. Her hand trembled as she swept it over the next wrinkle.

  How was she ever going to accept the idea that her children now had another mother in their lives?

  She glanced over at the suitcase beside her. It was piled up with more clothes than any ten-year-old girl could possibly need for a two-week trip. But Nicole needed for everything to be there. In the back of her mind, she recognized her attempt to prove that she was, and had always been, a good mother—but that didn’t stop her from smoothing out the last wrinkle.

  She set the folded shirt into the top of the suitcase and stood up from her daughter’s bed.

  So much had changed in the last year in unexpected ways. Perhaps—as some of her friends claimed—she should have seen it coming, but she didn’t. Divorce had hit her like a freight train and plowed right through her happily ever after.

  Only—if she was being honest with herself—it hadn’t been exactly happy, not towards the end, anyway.

  She walked out of her daughter’s room and picked up a pile of laundry that sat outside her twelve-year-old son’s door. She wanted to make sure that it was clean before she packed it. Since he seemed incapable of actually putting his clothes in his drawers these days, she just gathered all of the clothes from the floor to wash them.

  As she walked down the hall to the laundry room, framed photographs—hung exactly two inches apart—stared back at her. There was the photograph of her ex-husband, Jack, as he cradled Jordan the day he was born. Beside it, another photograph of Jack, with Melody in his arms.

  Once they were happy—she was sure of it.

  At the very top of the rows of photos was the wedding portrait. With eager smiles and much smaller waistlines, the shiny faces in the photograph looked foreign to her, as if they were people she’d never met.

  She reached up and loosened the frame from the hook on the wall. It wasn’t right to have it there—not when he was so obviously moving on.

  She dropped the laundry off and carried the photograph into her room—what used to be their room.

  The moment she sat down and sunk into the familiar give of the mattress, tears stung her eyes. She looked at the picture for a long moment. It was really over now. There was no special cement to put together what had broken many years before, and the fantasy that there might be was gone too.

  While Jack had been falling in love, she’d been struggling to deal with the notion of being forty-two and alone. While he was considering adding new babies to his life with his young bride, Nicole was thinking about menopause and whether or not to dye her blonde hair, which had began to sprout silver streaks of reality.

  Time marched on, and she didn’t know how to catch up.

  Before the tears could begin to flow down her cheeks, she took a deep breath and grabbed her cell phone from the charger on her bedside table. She logged into her new favorite website. It was a support group of sorts, but in reality it was a place for women to be honest—to talk about their fears and their joys, and, most of all, vent about life.

  Forty and Free was a website that she’d stumbled upon while attempting to figure out how to react to her divorce. She enjoyed the sisterhood that she felt there and the lively debates. As her heart ached, she typed out a message to post. It detailed her ex-husband’s destination wedding, how excited her kids were to be part of it, and how alone she felt because of it.

  When she posted it, she prepared herself for whatever responses she’d get. Within seconds she had messages of support from an assortment of women. What heartened her was the fact that these women weren’t all moms or all newly divorced. Some had been divorced more than once, some had been with their husbands from the time they were in high school and some had never been married. Everyone had their own view of what a relationship should be and no one was shy about sharing it.

  As Nicole sorted through the responses, she received an alert about a private message from one of the women she’d became close friends with, Ella.

  Cielo Spa & Resort! Trust me. Book yourself a room and have some fun. You owe it to yourself to get out of this rut, and see what the world has to offer. It’s the perfect time—with the kids away—to get to know yourself again.

  Ella’s words impacted Nicole more than she would have expected. She typed a quick response to thank her friend and let her know that she would consider it, then she logged out.

  Each message of support reminded her that her life was not over.

  Just like Jack, she needed to find a way to move forward. She picked up the wedding photograph and carried it over to her dresser. With one last look she shoved it into the bottom drawer.

  “That’s enough—enough tears, enough questions—just enough.” She closed the drawer and returned to the laundry room to get the load started.

  No, it wouldn’t be easy, but she was ready to live again.

  There had once been a time in her life when there were more important things than laundry and a broken dishwasher. A spark of eagerness drew a smile to her lips. Like an old but treasured friend, her desire began to resurface.

  For many years the only question in her mind was about what she could do for everyone else in her life. She’d trained herself not to think about what she might be missing out on, or how she might prefer things to be. It didn’t matter what she wanted, as long as her husband and kids were happy.

  That method hadn’t worked out very well. She’d sacrificed her needs, and in the end, her husband wasn’t happy. The family life that she’d expected to have had crumbled, no matter how hard she had tried to hold it together.

  What was left was a lonely soul—long overdue for some real fun.

  Chapter 2

  Gavin Bell leaned forward in his chair so that his elbows rested on
his desk while he spoke into the phone. “You’re not making sense to me, that’s all I’m saying. What I’m offering you here is a golden opportunity to launch your brand in a way that will get the attention of modern consumers. I understand that you promote tradition, and I assure you that we can create a mixture of tradition and modernization that will retain your current customer base as well as gain the attention of many other demographics. So what’s to lose?”

  He pressed the phone closer to his ear and leaned back in his chair. As he listened to his client describe his apprehension, he smiled. He loved a challenge, and more than that, he loved creating solutions. Every time a client gave him a reason to turn down an offer, he enjoyed solving the problem.

  “I hear you, I do. And that’s important to you too, isn’t it? If you agree to this deal, you have Gavin Bell on your side. I respect how passionate you are about your brand, which is why I intend to walk you through every step of the process. You will have a say in everything—before the posters go up, before the commercials get made, before the actors are even hired. This is your baby and I get that. All I want to do is dress it up a bit for you.”

  He looked up at his computer screen for a quick review of the client’s information. He always kept personal notes about the clients on hand so that he could speak to them as friends rather than business associates.

  “Great, Ted. You’re making a wonderful decision, which I can promise you won’t regret. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me. I’ll have my assistant fax you all of the paperwork by the end of the day. Give my best to Karen and the kids.”

  He hung up the phone and pumped his other fist through the air in the same motion. The door to his office swung open and Lance Tavish stepped inside.

  “How did you get here so fast to congratulate me?”

  “I’m not here to congratulate you, Gavin.” Lance pushed the door shut.

  Gavin arched an eyebrow.

  Lance held his shoulders straight and his hands were tight at his sides.

  “What’s wrong? I just landed Ted Bramley. We’ve been trying to get him to agree to a new campaign for over a year.”

  “That’s great. It really is.” Lance narrowed his eyes. “But you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

  Gavin rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling and sighed. “I know, I know. But Ted was only in the country for a few days and I wanted to catch him while he’s here so he can sign all the paperwork.”

  “There’s always an excuse, isn’t there, Gavin? I mean, there are people who would kill to have a boss that insisted they take a vacation.”

  “And there are just as many bosses that would be thrilled to have an employee as skilled and dedicated as me.” Gavin rested his hands on his desk. “Why are you trying to force me to do something that isn’t necessary?”

  “Because it is necessary. Because yes, you are my best asset, and I want to keep you for as long as I can. You’ve been going full tilt ever since you left Amy—”

  “—This isn’t about Amy.”

  “Yes, it is.” Lance grabbed a chair and pulled it up in front of Gavin’s desk. “I’ve watched you for the past five years. You’ve done nothing but work. You don’t even bring a date to the office party.”

  “So what?” Gavin cleared his throat. “I tried it once, it didn’t work out. I don’t see why that’s a problem.”

  “Because one of these days it’s going to catch up to you, Gavin. It’s going to hit you in the gut and knock you back. You’re not getting any younger, you know. You’re losing your hair and your trim waistline.”

  “Hey, I’m not losing my hair.” Gavin reached up and touched the waves of thick brown hair that rested on the top of his head. “Am I?”

  “Even if you’re not now, you will be soon. You’re forty-four, Gavin. You know what comes next?”

  “Forty-five?” Gavin smirked.

  “Seventy. That’s what comes next.”

  “I think you’re a little off on your math there.”

  “I’m serious. You know how much I care about you. You can’t live your whole life like this. What will you have when you retire?”

  “Lance, give it a rest, alright?” Gavin looked back at his computer screen as another e-mail from a client came in. “I have work to do. I can’t take a vacation right now. Besides, all I’m going to do is work at home. What else would I do?”

  “Gavin, we’ve been friends since high school. You have never prioritized your emotional needs.”

  “I don’t have emotional needs.”

  Lance leaned forward until he could meet Gavin’s eyes. “Everyone does, Gav. Everyone. You can ignore it for as long as you want, but there comes a time when it’s just too late to fix it.”

  Gavin held his gaze for a moment, then looked away as his phone began to ring. “Duty calls.”

  “Don’t answer it. We’re having a conversation here.”

  “Is that my best friend talking or my boss?”

  “Whichever one works to keep you from answering that phone. I’m worried about you. I want you to be happy—and you need a break, Gav.”

  “I’ll be happy when you get out of my office.”

  Gavin picked up the phone and met Lance’s eyes as he answered it. If there was one thing he was not accustomed to, it was taking orders. As Gavin continued his conversation with the client, Lance stood up from the chair. With tensed shoulders he turned and walked out the door.

  Gavin had the feeling that Lance was not going to give up easily this time.

  Chapter 3

  Nicole’s eyes popped open with the sudden reaction from the strong feeling that she’d missed hearing her alarm. She looked at the clock, which clearly showed that she’d overslept by twenty minutes.

  “Oh no! We’re going to be late!” She jumped up out of bed. “Jordan, Melody—get up! Get dressed! We’ll eat in the car!”

  Her chest seized with panic. A wave of dizziness rushed over her.

  Once she was out the door and into the kitchen she grabbed the counter to keep from slipping in her socks. When she grabbed onto the counter to steady herself, she nearly knocked off the open box of cereal left there. It dawned on her that the two children whose names she’d been screaming were dressed and sitting at the table.

  Jordan and Melody looked up from their breakfast with wide eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Mom? You look really upset.” Jordan stood up from the table.

  It still shocked Nicole that he was almost as tall as her. Even though she’d been with them almost every moment of their lives, she couldn’t figure out where the time had gone.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Her voice sounded harsh to her own ears.

  Melody bit into her bottom lip and looked down at her cereal.

  “I just thought you might like to sleep in.” Jordan frowned. “I’m sorry, Mom. I mean, it’s not like we can’t get our own breakfast.”

  “Yes, I see that.” Nicole leaned against the counter. “Thank you for that.”

  “You’re not mad?” Melody looked up at her.

  “No, sweetie, I’m not mad. I’m sorry for snapping. I was just surprised.”

  “Really, Mom, we can take care of ourselves.” Jordan grabbed a carton of orange juice from the fridge and refilled his glass.

  Nicole did her best to hide an involuntary frown.

  “I’m really excited about the wedding.” Melody finished her last bite of cereal.

  “Don’t talk about that to Mom, dummy.” Jordan glared at her.

  “Oh.” Melody frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  Nicole walked over to her daughter and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Both of you listen, okay?”

  Both kids looked at her with a hint of uncertainty in their expressions.

  “I know things are changing. I know that you’ve seen me upset. But you both need to understand one thing. I love you. That will never change and you can always talk to me about anything—even the wedding. It’s okay for you to
be excited. I’m excited for you.”

  “You don’t seem excited.” Jordan tossed his spoon down in his bowl. “I don’t think any of this is right.”

  Nicole took a deep breath. It touched her to the core that her son cared about her feelings, but this was not the time to appreciate that. This was the time to make things easier for him to understand. As much as it tortured her to speak her next words, they had to be said.

  “There’s nothing wrong with love, Jordan. Your father and I had a beautiful time together, and as a result, we have two amazing children that we both adore. Our lives and feelings changed. Now your father has met someone who he loves, and she loves him. They will have a beautiful time together too.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to meet someone new too?” Melody smiled as she picked up her cereal bowl and carried it to the sink.

  Her daughter’s question knocked Nicole off balance.

  “Oh no, I don’t think so. Well, not for a long time at least.”

  “You can’t live in the past forever, Mom. If Dad gets to be happy, so should you.” Jordan dropped his bowl in the sink and spared her a quick kiss on the cheek.

  Affection from Jordan was so rare that it brought tears to her eyes. She hid them as the kids headed off to school.

  After Nicole washed the dishes she sat down at the family computer. She toyed with the mouse, watching the pointer bounce back and forth from the submit button to the cancel button on her screen.

  In all the years that she’d been a mother, she couldn’t remember once taking a full day for herself. It had been very important to her that she’d always been a part of their daily lives.

  But now? That wasn’t an option any more. Between school, sports, and now visits away with their father, she’d been forced to have days where she didn’t even see her kids. It wasn’t easy for her to take, but she knew that it was a normal part of their growing and becoming more independent.

  That didn’t mean that it wasn’t leaving her feeling a bit lost. She thought about waking that morning to find her children dressed and ready for school. She thought of the way she’d snapped at them—not because they’d done anything wrong, but because she was so stressed. She didn’t want to be that kind of mother.