Free to Risk Read online

  Contents

  Title Page

  A note from the author

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Preview: Free to Love (Noella’s Life Unleashed, Book 2)

  Preview: The Bride Tribe

  Preview: Single Wide Female

  Preview: Alex in Onederland

  Other Titles

  Legal Notice

  Noella’s Life Unleashed

  (Book 1)

  Free to Risk

  By

  Lillianna Blake

  Copyright © 2018 Lillianna Blake

  Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers

  All rights reserved.

  LilliannaBlake.com

  Dear Reader,

  These books are written for every woman out there who has struggled with their weight, self-esteem and any number of issues that we all face as we work to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.

  They are meant to be light-hearted and fun, but I do hope that they will inspire you—to REALLY live your life to the fullest, loving yourself completely as you do so.

  If you enjoy the “Noella’s Life Unleashed” series, be sure to check out “The Bride Tribe” series and you might also like Samantha and the “Single Wide Female” series. You can read previews and at the end of this book.

  If you’ve enjoyed Free to Risk, I’d appreciate it if you would take a moment to leave an honest review here:

  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CKHY6V4

  Enjoy!

  Sincerely,

  Lillianna

  Chapter 1

  I took a deep breath and then pulled the keys out of the ignition. If I waited any longer, I’d be late, and that was hardly the impression that I wanted to make on my first day.

  Changing jobs had been unexpected for me. I usually planned things way in advance. I rarely took a risk, what with two sons who depended on me to provide for them. But when my friend Wes recommended me for the position, I figured I’d just go in for the interview. What harm could it do?

  I hadn’t expected to be hired on the spot. Now, two weeks later, I was about to embark on an entirely new position with a new company.

  I was terrified. What if I couldn’t handle it? What if I only lasted a week? I had some reassurance that my old job would take me back, but I hated the thought of sliding backward.

  Instead, I pushed open the car door and stepped out. The building was much larger than the one I used to work at. There were four stories and what looked like hundreds of windows. What would my coworkers be like?

  With a flutter in the pit of my stomach, I approached the front door. I was just about to walk inside when I heard a familiar voice in the back of my mind.

  “You are a warrior princess. You are fierce, you are strong, and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.”

  I smiled as my friend—and favorite author—Samantha Bradford’s words echoed through my mind. She always knew exactly what to say to motivate me, as did my sister and the rest of our group of friends. We’d banded together as a tight-knit group of women diving into life.

  Now it was my turn and I didn’t want to walk into my new work environment full of fear and insecurity. Instead, I summoned all the strength that made me a warrior princess and pulled the door open. With a smile on my face, I approached the front desk.

  “Good morning, I’m Noella—”

  “Right, the new girl.” The woman behind the desk smiled. She had plump cheeks that dimpled with the expression, but her gaze was not as kind. “Just take the elevator to the third floor and when you get there ask for Kenny. He’ll set you up with everything you need. Oh—and a little advice, sweetie—you’re overdressed.” She rolled her eyes at my business suit, then pointed to the elevators.

  A bit of nervousness crept through me as I wondered why she would have a problem with what I was wearing. She was dressed in a more casual outfit, but perhaps that was because she was the receptionist. I was sure that my suit met the dress code standards of any office.

  On the ride up in the elevator I shook off her comment and refocused on my excitement. It was my first day at a much higher paying job, and that was something to be thrilled about.

  I stepped off the elevator and into a hallway that led to double glass doors. Beyond them was a wide open space splashed with color. I was a little stunned by how bright and cheerful the entire office building was. There were murals on the walls, big round balls of many different colors, and even a pool table in one corner. I wondered if maybe I’d stepped off the elevator on the wrong floor.

  “Hi, Noella?” A young man—I didn’t think he could be more than twenty—walked toward me. “I’m Kenny. I’m so glad you’re here!” He spread his arms wide and before I could stop him, he gave me a brief but tight hug. He laughed as he backed away. “I’m sorry, I’m a hugger. Dee from HR says I need to warn people before the hug, but I always forget.”

  “It’s alright, I don’t mind.” I smiled in return. “Sorry, I’m just a little confused. Am I in the right place?”

  “Sure you are. We’re always in the right place, aren’t we? Because wherever you are—well—there you are, right?” He laughed and clapped his hands. “Alright, no time to waste. So this is our play area. We come here to de-stress, chill out—whatever. No need for an explanation. There are plenty of bean bag chairs for everyone.”

  My head spun as I took in his words. For a moment I entertained the idea that I might be involved in a practical joke. Would Wes do that to me? Would he set me up for a big joke at his friend’s company? My heart started to beat faster. What if I’d left my job and ended up in a big mess?

  “So we do have separate offices. Now, as you can see, we generally dress casually.” He gestured to his jeans and t-shirt. “I mean, you can wear whatever you want, but since we work mostly virtually, we don’t really have any specific dress code.”

  “Oh, okay.” I nodded. At least I knew what the woman at the front desk meant. I didn’t recall anyone saying anything about working virtually in the interview. However, I’d also been working virtually with others, including Wes, at my old job. I was sure I could handle it.

  “This is your office.” He pointed toward a room with no door and windows on two sides. “We like to keep the energy flow good, so lots of open spaces, lots of glass.” He smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

  I wondered if he could tell just how worried I was.

  “Thanks, Kenny—or should I call you sir?” The word almost stuck in my throat. Was he old enough to drink?

  “Sir?” He laughed. “No way. We don’t really have bosses here. We think of ourselves as one cohesive mind. Right—got that?”

  “That’s very refreshing.”

  “We think so. If there’s anything you need, just let me know. There are some files of clients on the desk to get you started, but you can just take today to settle in. Welcome, Noella.”

  “Thanks.” I stepped into my office and for a split-
second I felt as if I’d stepped into an entirely new phase of my life.

  Chapter 2

  My legs wobbled a bit as I approached my desk. I started to sit down in my chair, but discovered it was essentially a ball on wheels. As I attempted to situate myself on it, I rolled back and forth a bit, grabbing my desk to steady myself.

  “What is all this?” I looked around the office. I’d read stories about how the edgiest businesses were incorporating a free-form style, populating their offices with toys and even yoga balls, but I’d never expected to be working in the middle of one.

  I closed my eyes and tried to center myself. It was a technique I’d learned with my friends and it always calmed me. Just as my nerves began to quiet, a loud ringing sound blasted out of my computer. Startled, I lunged for the mouse to silence it and in the process lost my balance on the ball. A shriek escaped me as the ball flew out from under and the monitor filled with a familiar face.

  “Morning, Noella!”

  I landed on the floor with a thump.

  “Noella?”

  “Wes!” I tried to use the ball chair to pull myself up off the floor, but each time I grabbed it, it just rolled away.

  “Noella, are you okay?” Wes’s voice rose with alarm.

  “I’m fine!” I waved to him from the floor. “Just fine.” I cleared my throat as I finally got to my feet and smoothed down the skirt of my suit. Now I knew why everyone seemed to prefer pants.

  “What happened?” He laughed as he looked at me through the screen.

  “I think you left out a few details about this job.” I raised an eyebrow, then edged nervously back down onto the chair.

  “I know how much you like surprises.” His lips spread into an irresistible grin.

  It was that grin that always let him get away with everything. I’d been seeing it for years. I’d never actually met Wes in person as he was posted in an office a few states away, but we’d worked together on many different projects.

  “Ha, ha.” I rolled my eyes. “I hate surprises.”

  “No one hates surprises.”

  “I do.” I grabbed the desk as the chair began to slide out from under me again. “I also hate this chair. I mean, is it even technically a chair?”

  “Don’t worry, they have real chairs stashed away in storage rooms. When I visited Kenny a few months ago I made him get one out for me. He called me an old man.”

  “You? If you’re an old man, then I must be a dinosaur.”

  Wes had recently turned thirty, not long before I’d turned forty. I welcomed him to his thirties by singing him happy birthday, he welcomed me to my forties by sending me a strip-o-gram that I was sure would get me fired. He was a jokester, and although it drove me crazy sometimes, his sense of humor had carried me through many difficult times.

  “Sexiest dinosaur I’ve ever seen.” He winked at me.

  “Wes!”

  “What? I can say that now. We don’t work together anymore. You can’t threaten me with HR.” He grinned.

  “Oh, whatever. I’ve got to try to find one of those chairs and then figure out if I’m actually going to be expected to play pool.”

  “I’m sure you’d be great at it.”

  “I did play now and then—back when I was young.”

  “Stop. You’re still young. Don’t forget that, Noella. You have so many amazing things ahead of you.”

  “That’s easy to say when you’re in your thirties.” I sighed, then smiled. “By the way, thank you for the job referral. It may take some adjustment, but I’m sure that I’m going to love it. I just hope these youngsters can be patient with me.”

  “Maybe they’ll bring out that playful you that you think you’ve left behind.” He met my eyes through the screen. “Because I know she’s still in there.”

  “She might be in there somewhere, but right now, I have to go make a good impression around here.” I waved to him, then hung up the video call.

  Wes had already changed my entire perspective about the job. He always had a way of making me lighten up and see the positive in things—which was good, because I was positive that I had some bruising on my backside.

  As I headed out to find the storage closet with normal chairs, I noticed the way my coworkers interacted. From what I could tell, all of them were younger than me, but they were also friendly to one another. All of the competitiveness that I was used to seemed to be lacking in this new environment. It was a breath of fresh air.

  Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be so stressed all the time—which might mean I could be a better mother to my sons. This really was a chance for me to change my life and head in a new direction. I decided that I would take a lesson from Wes and see things in a positive light. Really, how scary could it be?

  I opened a door marked storage closet and gasped as I caught sight of a rather wild tryst unfolding in the shadows of the small space. As shocked as I was, the couple in the storage room didn’t seem the least bit stunned.

  “Close the door!” a voice demanded.

  I stumbled back, closed the door, and hurried back to my office.

  Maybe my new work environment was a bit too warm and friendly.

  Mortified, I stared at the monitor in front of me. How could I work in a place like this when my idea of a wild time was board games and ice cream?

  Chapter 3

  After a long and strange day, I drove toward my sons’ school. At ages six and nine, they still attended the same elementary school, but soon there would be two drop-offs and pick-ups. One big benefit of the new job was that I could pick up the boys an hour earlier from the aftercare program. It was hard for me to be away from them for so long.

  In my head, when I’d planned my family as a twenty-something, I was going to be home every afternoon to bake them cookies and witness their youth. The reality, more often than not though, was slapped-together dinners, arguments over homework, and pure exhaustion by the time I’d gotten them through our bath and bedtime routines.

  I adored my children, but I’d had no idea how difficult parenting was going to be—or single parenting, rather. After my divorce many things changed, and in some ways my sons and I were still adapting to that.

  As I pulled up to the school, I looked through the group of children gathered together as they waited for parents and caregivers.

  There they were—Tyler and Brady. Even though they fought like cats and dogs, I often found them sticking together. It warmed my heart to think that they would always have each other.

  “Hey, kiddos.” I smiled as I waved to them from the car.

  They jostled each other as they raced to get into the back seat.

  “Hey, Mom. How was your first day?” Tyler leaned into the front seat to hug me. I kissed his cheek, then hugged Brady.

  “Get buckled in and I’ll tell you all about it.”

  On our drive home I shared my experience with the yoga ball chair.

  “We have those in our class!” Tyler giggled. “But I haven’t fallen off. That’s silly!”

  “Don’t tease Mom.” Brady nudged his younger brother with his elbow.

  Tyler screamed as if he’d been struck by a hot poker. “Mom! Make him stop! He hurt me!”

  “I did not! I barely touched him!”

  Tyler burst into tears. “Ow!”

  I took a deep breath—or at least I tried to, before I was promptly interrupted by the need to slam on my brakes as a car cut out in front of me.

  “Enough!” Even to my ears my shout sounded harsh. “Both of you quiet until we get home! I can’t concentrate on driving with you two fighting!”

  The words spilled out of my mouth, even though just that morning I’d vowed to be more gentle and patient with my kids. My heart thudded against my chest as panic raced through my veins. I could have hit that car in front of us. I could have caused us all to be injured or worse.

  I had to do better.

  “I’m sorry.” I flicked my gaze to the rearview mirror then turned down our s
treet.

  Both boys were quiet, but Tyler still had tears in his eyes and Brady had that all too familiar sullen look. He had been trying to defend me and I’d shouted at him. And Tyler was just being Tyler.

  When I parked in the driveway, the boys raced for the house. I sat in the car and closed my eyes. It was a strange day, that was for sure, and now it felt like it was going to end in arguments and tears. If only I could get above the surface of my day, I might be able to take better control of it. But dinner had to be made, homework had to be done—the night marched on whether I wanted to be part of it or not.

  “Mom! We need the keys!” Brady huffed and crossed his arms.

  I stepped out of the car and into the usual chaos of my evening: the boys with their typical begging for just one more television show, five more minutes on the tablet, followed by the questioning of what was put on the dinner table.

  The complaints piled up—the whining, the exhaustion. It was all too much, and I snapped at them a few more times before they were finally tucked into bed.

  As I sank down on the sofa, I felt the pressure building within me. This wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. This wasn’t the person I wanted to be, yet here I was, exhausted and regretting not spending more time engaging with my sons and wondering how I would ever get through another day of it.

  There it was again, that burning sensation deep within me—that urge to escape. Every time I felt it, guilt followed close behind. No, I didn’t want to leave my sons. I loved them and with some perspective I could see how good my life was compared to others. But sometimes desire would peek through that chaos, a desire that I’d been trying to hide from—a desire to be something other than a mother.

  I closed my eyes and his hands were on my shoulders. He rubbed them so tenderly, then leaned down and whispered in my ear. He told me that he loved me and that everything would be alright.