Free to Risk Page 3

  Chapter 7

  When I checked in with my regular Sunday morning sitter, she agreed to stay later that day so that I could have coffee with Glenn. I sent him a text letting him know when I would be available and he instantly texted back that he’d be there.

  His quick communication put me at ease. He really seemed like a guy that wasn’t interested in playing games.

  The next few days passed by in a whirlwind for me. I was busy learning the ropes at work, juggling the boys as always, and managing my imagination, which threatened to run wild every time I thought about my upcoming date with Glenn.

  By the time Sunday morning rolled around, I was beside myself with nerves. It was a little strange, because I’d dated before, but for some reason this time it felt different. I obsessed a bit over what I would wear, but nothing in my closet made me look younger or hid the few extra pounds around my midsection. But he knew what I looked like. He’d seen my pictures—I’d taken care to post recent ones—and he still wanted to meet with me.

  I chose an outfit, kissed my sons goodbye, and headed out to Common Grounds. As excited as I was about the date, I was also excited about seeing my sister and my friends. I looked forward to Sunday mornings every week. We’d get together, share coffee, share our weeks, and put our heads together about ways to get to where we wanted to be in life. I hoped that they’d have some advice for me in regards to my date with Glenn.

  When I arrived, Hanna was already there with her hands layered on her rounded belly.

  “Noella!” She waved to me. “Don’t make me get up, please.”

  “I won’t.” I laughed and leaned down to hug her. “How are you feeling today?”

  “I’m feeling like if one more person asks me that question, I might just snap.” She sighed. “I never know how to answer that. I mean, do people really want to know that I’d like to saw my feet off and I can’t fit into any of my clothes—even my big clothes—and I’m pretty sure that my stomach is going to explode from all the pressure?”

  “I do.” I rubbed my hand along her back. “I want to hear about all of it.”

  “Well, most people don’t. They just want me to say I’m over-the-moon happy. And I am, Noella, I really am.” She looked into my eyes as tears formed in her own.

  “Oh, sweetie, I know how happy you are.” I hugged her. “But pregnancy can be difficult. Very difficult. It’s okay to be honest about it, it doesn’t mean that you’re not happy.” I sat down in the chair beside her. “Every pregnancy is different. Tyler and Brady were like night and day. No one can tell you what your pregnancy will be like, because everyone has a different experience. But I can tell you that it helps to be honest.”

  “Thanks, sis.” She sighed and wiped at her eyes. “I cry about everything too. I thought that was just an old wives’ tale.”

  “No, it’s hormones.” I patted her knee. “And I hate to tell you, but that might not go away. I still tear up at commercials for just about anything.”

  “Great.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Don’t worry.” I laughed. “Once that baby is in your arms, it’s all going to be worth it. I promise.”

  “Listen to me—whining about all this, and this is such a big day for you. Are you excited?”

  “Well, it’s not like I haven’t been on a date before. I mean, I haven’t been on many, but honestly, I feel all kinds of crazy.” I shook my head. “One minute I’m excited, the next I’m nervous, the next I’m thinking about canceling the whole thing. Most of all, I keep thinking I’m just too old for all this.”

  “That’s nonsense.” She frowned. “First of all, forty is not old. Second, even if you were seventy, you wouldn’t be too old for this. Romance doesn’t have an expiration date.”

  “No?” I smoothed down my skirt and grinned. “Because it sure feels like it might.”

  “I know. It wasn’t that long ago that I was certain I would never fall in love, but then it happened.” She grinned. “Right out of the blue. Maybe that’s what is happening here.”

  “Maybe. But, the thing is, I just seem too excited. You know? Like I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s just one date.” I glanced toward the door and caught sight of Dawn and Zoe as they walked in.

  “It’s normal to be excited. But you do have to be cautious too. Just take a deep breath and see how it goes. No expectations.” She winked at me.

  “Alright, I’ll give it my best shot.” I laughed. “That is if I don’t decide to bolt before he gets here.”

  “We’re not going to let you do that.” Zoe placed her hand on my back as she sat down in the chair next to mine. “It’s time you got back on that dating horse, young lady.”

  “That’s easy for you to say—now that you’re with Trent, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

  “No, I just have to worry about other things.” She rolled her eyes. “But honestly, dating can be fun. I liked meeting all the guys I spent time with. It doesn’t have to be about love and marriage, it can just be about having some company.”

  “That’s a good point.” I smiled. “And maybe exactly what I needed to hear. Now, about this wedding…” I looked around the table at everyone. “Has anyone heard from Blu?”

  Our good friend in New York was about to get married.

  “Blu said she’s going to call in so we can see the dress she’s thinking about. I told her it’s about time!” Zoe laughed. “Oh, and guess what, Dawn? She wanted me to ask if Lily could be the flower girl.”

  “Oh wow! I’ll have to ask Garrett and he’ll have to check with Lily’s mom, but I’m sure she would be okay with it. She’d be so cute as a flower girl!”

  “Can she be a flower girl in Blu’s wedding and yours?” Zoe raised an eyebrow.

  “Zoe!” Dawn groaned. “It’s not like he’s proposed yet.”

  “It’s not like he won’t.” Zoe smiled. “Sorry, I guess I’m just a little excited.”

  “We all are.” Dawn smiled. “I can’t believe we have so much to celebrate—a baby on the way, Blu’s wedding, Zoe actually settling down, Garrett and I and the bakery doing so well, and—”

  “And Noella’s finally going to get some.” Zoe clapped her hands.

  “Zoe!” I snapped, then laughed.

  Maybe she was right, but it would be a long time before I felt comfortable with taking things any further than a kiss goodnight.

  Chapter 8

  As the time grew closer for Glenn to arrive, my stomach twisted into knots. I said goodbye to my friends, who all had their own bits of advice to share.

  As Hanna left, she kissed my cheek, then met my eyes. “Enjoy this, sis, you deserve it.”

  I smiled, but I wasn’t sure that I could enjoy it when I could barely take a breath.

  After they left, Alex, the owner of the cafe, walked over to me.

  “So, are you ready for this?” She grinned.

  I’d told her about the impending date and that her cafe would be the backdrop for it.

  “It’s too late to back out now.” I cleared my throat. “Right?”

  “Yes.” She steered me toward the side of the cafe near tall windows. “I reserved a table for you in the quieter section. It gets a bit busy on Sunday afternoons. I’ve also told Cyndi to check on you guys a lot, so if you need a chance to escape from this guy just give her a signal and she’ll come running to interrupt.”

  “Really?” I stared up at her as I sat down at the new table. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Trust me, I did. I’ve been on enough of these dates. If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, just excuse yourself to the restroom. I’ll get you out the back door before he even knows you’re gone.” She smiled. “I’ve got your back.”

  “Thanks, Alex.” I was grateful for her kindness, but at the same time she was starting to make me worry.

  What if the date went as horribly as she implied it could? What if I didn’t know Glenn at all and he turned out to be an oaf? I looked toward the window and
wondered if he would even come at all. He was already two minutes late. But then who knew if his clock was set to the same time as mine?

  As I mulled over whether time even actually existed, I caught sight of a familiar face. He headed toward the cafe, but paused outside and straightened his shirt, then smoothed down his hair.

  I couldn’t help but smile. He was as nervous as I was.

  When he stepped inside I waved to him.

  He smiled as he crossed the cafe to join me.

  I stood up awkwardly and offered my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Glenn.”

  “You too.” He caught my hand and gave it a subtle squeeze. “Although I feel like I already know you.”

  “Me too.” I settled back in my chair as he sat down across from me.

  Cyndi headed straight over to take our orders. Once that was settled, I turned my attention to him.

  “Wow, you’re really here.” I laughed.

  “Yes, I am. Do you want to pinch me to make sure?” He offered his hand.

  “No, that’s okay.” I grinned. “I’m just glad you came.”

  “Did you think I wouldn’t?” He raised an eyebrow as his smile spread.

  “Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it for awhile there. I’ve been so nervous.”

  “Ouch. Well, I’m glad you did. I have to say, you’re even more beautiful in person than in your picture.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to say that.” I waved my hand, feeling my cheeks grow warm.

  “I’m not just saying it.” He caught my hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss, all while he stared at me rather intently.

  It was a sweet gesture, but I tugged my hand back quickly.

  “Thanks. You’re quite handsome yourself.” I winced. “Is that the right term these days?”

  “Don’t worry about terms and all that. Honestly, Noella, I’m at a point in my life that I don’t even believe in limits. I’ve been telling myself no for so long that I’ve decided I’m going to do my best to say yes from now on.”

  “What an interesting thought.” My head spun as I considered what my life would be like if I said yes more often.

  As we drank our coffee, we chatted a bit about our lives. He shared that his teenage daughter spent most of her time with her mother, but that he did his best to spend as much time with her as he could.

  I admitted that my boys didn’t see their father as much as they would like, but that he did call often and made time for them when he could.

  “And what about things between you two?” He pushed his empty coffee cup aside.

  “Me and my ex?”

  “Yes. I mean, do you two still have a little fun now and then?”

  “What?” I stared at him.

  “When my ex and I first broke up, sometimes we’d still hook up once in awhile.” He shrugged. “I’m just wondering if you do or if you would.”

  “Uh, no. That seems really strange to me.”

  “That’s good.” He smiled. “It’s better that way.”

  “I guess.” I glanced at my watch. “I’m sorry, Glenn, but I have to get going. My sitter is already working overtime for me.”

  “I’ll walk you out.” He dropped enough cash on the table for the bill and a considerable tip.

  That impressed me, as I had intended to pay for half, but he didn’t seem to even want to discuss it.

  As he walked me to my car, I wondered what would happen next. My heartbeat quickened as I anticipated the possibility that he would want to see me again or that he might even want to kiss me.

  “Glenn, I had a very nice time—”

  I turned toward him as I reached my car. Before I could say another word, his lips were on mine. I didn’t know how to react at first. I hadn’t expected him to kiss me so suddenly. But I did like him and his lips felt kind of amazing.

  I melted into the kiss and for a second I forgot that I was a mother, that I had obligations, that I was anything but a woman getting a taste of passion.

  A moment later, however, that passion got a bit out of hand.

  Glenn slid his hand up along my side as if he might caress my breast.

  I gave him a solid push to the chest.

  Chapter 9

  “Don’t be shy, Noella.” He took a step back, but his hands remained around my waist. “Sometimes you just have to listen to your desire.”

  “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I have no interest in moving that fast, Glenn.” My heart thudded against my chest. I didn’t feel unsafe with him, but I did see him in a new light. I’d thought his intentions were to have a serious relationship, but his actions told a different story.

  “There are those terms and limits again.” He caressed my cheek. “Noella, I’ll never ask you to do anything you don’t want to do. But I wonder, do you even know what you really want?” He leaned in for a light kiss to my lips.

  I kissed him in return, uncertain of how to respond to his words.

  He was right. When he kissed me, sparks showered through me. When he looked into my eyes—with that confidence that he knew what I wanted—a thrill snaked up my spine. I could easily give into it. I could throw caution to the wind and pull him into the backseat of my car. Other women did it. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Desire was nothing to be ashamed of, I told myself.

  “Yes, I do know.” I held his gaze. “At least I know what I don’t want.”

  “One more kiss.” He positioned his body so close to mine that my own pressed back against the car. As he neared my lips for another kiss, I closed my eyes.

  Maybe I did want this.

  I decided to let myself experience the kiss, to not question it, but just enjoy it.

  His hands remained on my hips as he drew out the kiss.

  I lost myself in the friction and sweetness, and for just a second, I was a teenager again, kissing my future husband for the first time and wondering what it would be like to do more.

  As his hands slid around my waist and reached further south, I was awakened from my dazed state.

  “No.” I slid out from beneath him and took a few steps away.

  “Hey, I’m sorry.” He held his hands up. “I didn’t mean to push it too far. If you want to take things slow, I can respect that. But that was quite a kiss.”

  “Yes, it was.” I willed myself to feel calmer. So he tested my boundaries. Maybe that was what I needed. “Thanks for today, Glenn. I need to get going now.”

  “Call me tonight?” He met my eyes.

  “Yes, I will.” I climbed into the car.

  On the drive home I tried to sort out my feelings about the date. Glenn was fun to talk to. He was an interesting man. And I had enjoyed our kisses. But it made me uneasy to think of seeing him again. As much as I wanted to, something shifted in me when I thought about it.

  I arrived at home to two kids eager to spend time with me and several texts from my friends, who wanted updates on the date. I didn’t know how to answer yet. Instead, I focused on spending some time with my sons and keeping my attention away from the date as much as I could.

  After dinner, as the boys settled in to play on their devices before bed, all of it came rushing back.

  Glenn—handsome, entertaining, and ready for so much more than I was. Did I really want to see him again?

  When my phone rang, I thought it might be him, but instead it was Hanna.

  I answered, stepping into my bedroom to speak to her.

  “So how did it go?” Hanna’s voice wavered. “Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you all afternoon?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry. I just got caught up with the boys.” I sat down on the edge of my bed.

  “It’s alright. I’m just excited to hear the details.”

  “Honestly, it went really well. I had a really nice time with him, until...”

  “Until?”

  “He walked me out to my car and then he kissed me.”

  “Oh, Noella, that’s great!” She sq
uealed.

  “It was—kind of, I mean. It was unexpected.”

  “Like he just threw you against the car and kissed you?”

  “No, he didn’t throw me, but I was in the middle of talking and he just kissed me.”

  “That’s kind of sweet. Kind of not.”

  “Right? I mean, in the movies it looks hot, anyway. Strapping guy decides he’s going to get his kiss and he goes for it, so it’s amazing of course. But in real life—I don’t know—it was nice, but not what I expected.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I kissed him back. I enjoyed it, but then he started to get a little handsy. Hanna, am I too old for this? I mean, do people really go that fast these days?”

  “Not all people, no. He shouldn’t be doing anything that you’re not comfortable with.”

  “Honestly, I think he was just a little overeager. He listened when I asked him to stop and everything. It’s not like he was forceful. But he seems like he might want more from me than what I’m ready for. I’m not sure if I should see him again.”

  “Trust your instincts. You know what’s best for you. Either way, I’m proud of you for taking this step—and for knowing what you want.”

  I thanked her and hung up the phone. I knew she was right, but a nagging question stuck out in my mind.

  What if I didn’t know what I wanted?

  When I fell asleep that night, my thoughts were on Glenn and the way his kisses had made me feel.

  What if I had said yes to the desire that had rushed through me in the moment?

  Chapter 10

  I overslept the next morning and woke up to chaos. I burned the toast, I couldn’t find my keys, and then Brady didn’t have any clean underwear. By the time we got out the door, the boys were late and so was I.

  Meanwhile, my phone was beeping with texts from my friends. I hadn’t had a chance to read them, but I knew they would be about my date the day before.

  After I dropped the boys off at school, I thought about Glenn on my way to work. Only then did I remember that I’d never called him the night before as I’d said I would. As awkward as some parts of the date had been, I did want to see him again. I liked the conversations we’d had and he seemed to be an interesting man.